Relationship Mistake
- Amy Loflin
- Jun 29
- 3 min read
Over the past couple of weeks, I've opened my heart and shared some of what God has taught me about forgiveness through the lens of healing from childhood trauma. But before we move on, I'd like to broaden our perspective because forgiveness isn't only necessary for healing from deep wounds. It is also an essential ingredient in every healthy relationship.
The reality is that every meaningful relationship in our lives will eventually require forgiveness. Sometimes we're called to forgive a profound wound caused by someone we may never see again. More often, however, forgiveness shows up in the ordinary moments of everyday life.
It's choosing, often again and again, to extend grace to the people we love most:
the husband who forgot your anniversary
the friend group who didn't include you in their plans
the child who lied to cover up a mistake
the parent who criticized a decision you carefully considered
the boss who dismissed your hard work
Henri Nouwen once said, "Forgiveness is to allow the other person not to be God." When I first read those words, I had to stop and sit with them for a moment. What a profound way to think about forgiveness.
So often, our hurt grows in the gap between what someone did and what we expected them to do. We want people to understand us perfectly, meet our needs consistently, and love us without fail. Yet every person in our lives is human. They are limited, flawed, distracted, tired, wounded, and growing…just as we are.
When we forget that, it's easy to start carrying around a clipboard and a red pen, keeping score of every disappointment, every careless word, every unmet expectation. We begin building a case for our hurt and quietly rehearsing all the reasons we're justified in holding on to it. But forgiveness invites us to set down the clipboard.
Forgiveness is the decision to stop demanding from others what only God can provide.
It doesn't mean pretending the offense didn't matter. It means choosing to make space for another person's humanity. It means recognizing that the people we love will inevitably fall short and deciding that their imperfections will not have the final word in the relationship. It means extending the same grace we hope to receive when we disappoint someone else.
The strongest marriages, friendships, families, and communities aren't built on perfection. They're built on grace. They're sustained by people who continually choose to release offenses, assume the best, and leave room for one another to be human.
Imagine how much healthier our relationships could become if we stopped expecting people to be God and instead started accepting them as human.
Reflections
What does it look like to first extend grace in every relationship?
Who are you elevating to the status of God that you need to forgive and allow to be “human”?
“Humanity is never so beautiful as when praying for forgiveness, or else forgiving another. Forgiveness brings peace to your heart and wings to your soul.“ — Jean Paul
The More and Less Podcast
If you haven’t had a chance yet, we encourage you to take time to listen to Amy’s raw and real conversation with Allison Moore on The More and Less Podcast. We pray it blesses you and reveals one more step in your own healing journey.
Have a listen...
Summer Reading
As you’re planning your remaining summer vacations or staycation, don’t forget to grab a copy of A Story Worth Living to read! Grab your copy today from Bookshop.org, Barnes & Noble, or Amazon.
