Myths of Forgiveness
- Amy Loflin
- Jun 22
- 3 min read
Updated: 1 day ago
Many Christian women aren't struggling because they refuse to forgive. They're struggling because they've unknowingly believed myths about what forgiveness actually is.
These misconceptions often leave us feeling confused, discouraged, or even guilty when healing doesn't happen as quickly as we expected.
Here are six of the most common myths I've encountered, along with a small step you can take toward greater freedom.
Myth #1: A “good” Christian will forgive easily.
We know the verses and the teachings of Jesus. We understand we are called to forgive as Jesus has forgiven us. But when we find ourselves facing a trauma or wound, it’s counterproductive to add pressure and guilt on top of the pain.
Take a step: Healing often begins not with forgiveness itself, but with a willingness to simply begin. Tell God honestly, "I want to forgive, but I don't know how." Then give yourself the same grace God is extending to you.
Myth #2: If I've truly forgiven someone, I won't feel pain anymore.
Many women assume lingering pain is evidence of lingering unforgiveness.
But forgiveness and healing are not the same thing. Forgiveness is a decision to release a debt. Healing is often a process of allowing God to restore what was wounded. You can genuinely forgive someone and still have places in your heart that need God's healing touch.
Take a step: Stop measuring forgiveness by the absence of pain. Instead, ask yourself whether you're continuing to surrender that pain to God.
Myth #3: Forgiveness means what happened was okay.
Forgiveness never calls evil good. It doesn't minimize betrayal, abuse, abandonment, or loss. In fact, forgiveness requires us to be honest about the damage before we can release it.
Take a step: Name the wound honestly. God can handle the truth.
Myth #4: Forgiveness requires reconciliation.
This is one of the most damaging myths many Christian women carry. Forgiveness requires one person. Reconciliation requires two.
While reconciliation is beautiful and God-honoring when possible, it is not always wise, safe, or achievable.
Take a step: Focus on your responsibility before God, not on controlling someone else's response.
Myth #5: If I have to forgive again, I didn't really forgive.
Some wounds need to heal in layers. A memory surfaces, a milestone arrives, a new loss uncovers an old one. And suddenly you're feeling the hurt all over again.
That doesn't mean you failed. It may simply mean God is inviting you into another phase of healing.
Take a step: Bring the hurt back to God without shame or self-condemnation. Ask Him what this renewed pain might be revealing and where He wants to meet you in it.
Myth #6: Forgiveness is dependent on an apology.
Unfortunately, you might not ever receive an apology for or even an acknowledgement of the pain. While an apology can be helpful, it is not a prerequisite for forgiveness. When our decision to forgive is based on someone else’s behavior, we unintentionally hand them continued authority over our hearts.
Take a step: Instead of waiting for an apology, take responsibility for what happens in your heart and invite God to give you the courage to release the pain.
I don't know the pain that has been inflicted on you. I don't know the wounds that still ache or the memories that still sting.
But I do know this:
Healing is possible because God is a Redeemer. He delights in bringing freedom to places that have held you captive for far too long.
Yes, forgiveness will cost you something. It may cost your right to replay the offense. It may cost your desire to make someone pay. It may cost your illusion of control.
But in my experience, unforgiveness costs far more. It keeps us tethered to wounds God longs to heal.
And while the healing path of forgiveness is rarely a single moment, every step toward it is a step toward freedom.
Reflections
Which of these myths has had the strongest grip on you?
What would it look like to trust God with a small step of release this week?
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” — Lewis Smedes
The More and Less Podcast
If you haven’t had a chance yet, we encourage you to take time to listen to Amy’s raw and real conversation with Allison Moore on The More and Less Podcast. We pray it blesses you and reveals one more step in your own healing journey.
